Live Like You're... On Vacation (?)

            Before Spring Break, I semi-lamented to my students, “Woo hoo, I’m going to Ohio for Spring Break!” complete with a sarcastic fist pump to the air.

            Funk, Droidlet, and I decided to visit Funk’s aunt (Crafty) and his cousins (Green Lantern and Catan Champion) for the week. And, I’m not going to lie. I was a little nervous. Nervous for the colder weather, the country town, and Droidlet’s first plane ride and I was slightly skeptical about whether or not this was going to be the best use of a Spring Break.

            But, I geared up for the event (and rented a car for the first time. Hooray for being 25!) and was starting to get a tiny bit excited for the upcoming relaxation. We had an uneventful plane ride. Droidlet got my gene of falling asleep even before a plane takes off and we scored a 2011 Toyota Camry for all our driving needs. Then, we proceeded over long (no, not dirt) country roads to Aunt Crafty’s house.

            Now, let me tell you:

            Ohio.is.awesome.

            Seriously. We had an amazing vacation.

            Of course, 90% of why it was so great is because Funk’s family is just awesome. We had rounds of Settlers of Catan until 1:00am, great conversations, emotional support, and visits to kick-ass museums (helllooo American Bicycle, Annie Oakley, and the Air and Space museums!) among lots of great food, photographs, memories, and incredible company.

            The other 10%, though, really had to do with “vacation mentality.”

            The properties of “vacation mentality:”

1.      “We’re somewhere new, so let’s try everything!”

We tried new diners, new food, new drinks, new places, new beds, new homes… the list goes on. We even got to share some “news” with our family (among them, Japanese beer for the Catan Champion and Yuengling (the most amazing beer EVER) for the rest of the family… yes, we spread alcohol joy wherever we go). Sometimes, at home, when not in “vacation mentality” we tend to fall into routines and normal habits. Which, are good in their own right, but this was a nice reminder that there are still lots of things in Ventura County I have not yet tried.

2.      “Meh. I can check the internet later.”

I went on the internet a total of, maybe, three times (including my phone!). Granted, part of this was because the cell phone reception, but a huge part of it was because I was so busy doing other awesome things and spending quality time with people I love. This was a big slam in the face… why don’t I take internet breaks more often? Facebook did not explode while I was in Ohio, my blog didn’t smoulder to ashes, and the blogs I normally read were still up and running, as usual.

3.      “Picture moments.”

I feel we tend to take more pictures – but at the same time keep the camera down enough to experience the moment – more on vacation than in “regular life.”

4.      “Talk, walk, and talk some more.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I tend to walk waaaay more when I’m on vacation. Walking through museums, walking down main streets, just walking outside and around a new block (and finding a flattened craw fish in the road). And between all the walking, we had actual conversations. Funk and I got to walk and talk about things outside of our parenthood bubble; we got to reminisce about Funk’s mom with Aunt Crafty; we got to talk about all the new stuff happening in the Green Lantern’s and Catan Champion’s lives.

Of course, there are downsides to vacation mentality. Well, the only one I can think of is that we spend a little more money than we might normally (like buying Droidlet a super awesome “Speed Limit: 18,000 mph” sign with a rocket ship on it). Other than that, this vacation mentality made for a week of having a fulfilling life.

I think it’s time to implement this mentality more often, right here, at home.

Biology of the Family Gathering

Every family has their own colors and spectrum of “offbeatness.” For some families, cousin Jerry might be considered “offbeat” because he went to college whereas the rest of the family has always worked on and supports the family ranch. In other families, those members who are pierced and tattooed might be the offbeat coloration. Yet, in other families, the daughter who decides to marry her high school boyfriend in a traditional wedding ceremony with traditional wedding party may be “offbeat” to her counter-culture family.

                In my family, Funk and I are the “offbeat.” We are both tattooed and pierced, we are going to be wed by a gay officiant (Funk’s brother-in-law) in a non-religious, commitment ceremony and we are far more “left” politically than the majority of my family. Even for my set of parents that love my tattoos and celebrate the academic endeavors I jump into (everything from papers on the subversive nature of the bondage community to the inability of patriarchal language to fully describe a same-sex relationship) sometimes get question marks in their eyes when I try to explain why I don’t believe a vagina equals a woman and a penis equals a man.

                What this discussion aims at is questioning familial lines of respect. For example, a friend of mine always covers her tattoos when at a family get-together because she comes from a very traditional Hispanic culture. Another friend doesn’t  believe words like “shit” are cuss words but she keeps her language clean in front of her grandpa. Are these women sacrificing their identity or respecting their families? I don’t know. And this question comes up all of the time with me. Where does my desire to express my individuality cross over into disrespect of my family?

                The most recent example happened yesterday. Funk and I were confirmed Catholic but now have very different views  - Funk doesn’t believe in God but recognizes the power that a God, and other faith-based myths, have over those who believe them and I disagree with too much in the Catholic faith to practice it anymore (and this does NOT mean we don't respect people who do have religious beliefs). Yesterday, we baptized Droidlet in the Catholic church. Was this the easy way out to avoid family troubles? Yes. Was this harmful to Droidlet? No. Was this hypocritical of Funk and I? Most definitely.

                Part of the baptismal ceremony is anointment with oils placed on the head; all over the baby’s head. When Funk’s brother smelled Droidlet afterwards, he said, “Mmmm smells like oppression.”  And I laughed. Hard. In part because it was damn funny;  but also because I agree. Having the ceremony reaffirmed why our wedding is not going to be in a church. We just don’t recognize those beliefs anymore. But it also made me question why I’m so comfortable exerting my beliefs and individuality into events like a non-traditional wedding ceremony – walking down the aisle alone, non-religious based, no first dance – but not in other areas of my life. When does respecting my family become a denial of the person I’m constantly becoming? And how can I teach Droidlet the importance of open dialogue, especially about questioning beliefs and what you “know,” if I don’t actively have that open dialogue?

                What I do know is that I want Droidlet to think through decisions, research, explore, experience and come out the other side with his opinions and beliefs. Funk and I always joke that Droidlet’s “rebellious” stage will be him wanting to wear Abercrombie and Fitch and listen to Justin Bieber. Underneath the joking, we know we never want him valuing something only because it was how he was raised or it’s “tradition” but because it is something he honestly values. And I don’t want him hiding those values and beliefs from us just because we feel differently.